Why is Ozzy still alive

Having dedicated much of his adult life over the past few decades to a combination of various chemicals being consumed, injected, inhaled or otherwise absorbed into his body, international legend Ozzy Osborne (made famous during his time with the band Black Sabbath) is now considered somewhat of a medical mystery. While most human beings after being regularly subjected to the abuse that his body sustained over the years from chemical after chemical would have died long ago (and, indeed, many have) Ozzy is now living happily into his 60s and is even beginning to write a health advice column in The Sunday Times.

In order to solve once and for all why Ozzy has defied most medical science a group of researches at the American research institute Knome are currently in the process of sequencing the entirety of Ozzy’s genome for medical study and reference. While this may take some time to accomplish they hope to learn somewhat about both how Ozzy’s body is able to maintain its current state of living while at the same time hopefully unearthing some additional knowledge as to how prolonged exposure to some chemicals may have an effect upon the basic genetic structure of some people.

Another medical anomaly that researchers are hoping to compare Ozzy’s genome to is Keith Richards, another famous rock star who has successfully maintained a constant addiction to hard drugs for decades and is still actively participating in the music industry. By analyzing his code in comparison to Ozzy’s it is hoped that some clue as to how to maintain a longer, healthier life for individuals without major destructive addictions can be discerned.

While researchers are currently at a loss as to how Ozzy Osborne has successfully remained alive over years, some researchers from various drug rehab facilities feel that one possibility lies in the fact that constant exposure to various chemicals may actually have forced a mutation within his basic genetic structure. This could cause him to develop greater resistances to many substances and conditions, though close examination and cross-comparison of his basic genome is necessary to prove this hypothesis (thus leading to Knome conducting its current testing procedures).